So the violent rage is still present. It just hasn't been directed at myself today, so yay? I got an email this afternoon though that had some upsetting news. It wasn't necessarily bad news, just a situation that is incredibly frustrating and makes me feel powerless and incompetent. And as soon as I read it I felt that anger fill me, the same anger I felt yesterday that was driving me to SH. I couldn't do anything about it though, because I got it about 3 minutes before a client walked in. But I wanted to scream and cry and destroy something. I don't know if my client noticed anything, but for about the first 5 minutes after I replied to the email I knew I had some kind of crazy expression on my face. I just couldn't let go right away. I struggled to answer the email too, probably should've just left it until later, it wasn't urgent. But I was answering to my supervisor, and she was just passing the information on from someone else in the building. I wanted to rage in my reply, but I managed to hold back. I didn't want to rage at her, it wasn't her fault.

My inability to focus today pushed me out of my office too much. I spent way too much of the day talking to and joking with my coworkers, and I am exhausted by it. I'm so glad that my day is over now, I'm going to go home and take care of myself. Get some food, then we're going to make some tea and maybe eat more of the apple cobbler I made last night. I just need to rest now.