Do you have anyone you can practice with? I am extremely high functioning. No matter what is going on in my head I drag myself through life, paste a smile to my face and tell everyone I'm fine. I'm the one everyone else leans on because they have no idea how desperately broken I am. After my stint IP as a teenager I learned the art of being fake. I learned how to just blank out and go on autopilot and things get done. It took me almost 20 years to REALLY talk to someone again. It took a ton of practice but now I can talk about things. I still cringe and expect people to be disgusted or sad and leave me but I can talk about anything in therapy and with a few select friends. So is there anyone you can think of you can practice with? Or could you write things out and print them for the T so you have a record of what was talked about? I'm so sorry you hurt so bad