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So I’m writing because I’m not sure what else to do or how to handle things at this point. I just found out that my daughter who will be graduating HS in just over a month doesn’t want me or my wife to attend her graduation ceremony at the school with the rest of the family. My Dad & Step Mother she says are ok, My Mom and Step father are good, My Sister is ok her mother is great but my wife and I are not to be included. A little back story if you will or just more information. The divorce took place about 9 years ago and I remarried a little more than four years ago. During the time after the divorce my ex continued to have a relationship and was treated as ‘family’ by my mother and siblings. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because hey if they want to be friends with someone it isn’t my place to prevent that, also in my mind I figured things would change and stop once I settled into a new relationship. Oh how wrong I was. Suffice it to say that after several instances where my current spouse and myself were put in positions to decide to either make a scene or do what we could to ignore the fact that my Ex was attending events like: Fathers day, Christmas, Thanksgiving dinner, and basically every other family event, My wife and I spoke up to the family indicating that we didn’t think that it was appropriate for my ex to attend and that is was disrespectful to myself and my current spouse. After several attempts at trying to make the point ultimately it was decided that rather than trying to change someone else that the only way in which to effect any change was to not attend these events ourselves. So when we get invited to mothers day for example we politely decline as we know my ex was invited as well. The argument from my mother who is the ‘ring leader’ of all this says that “she can invite who she wants to her inclusive events and she won’t exclude my ex just because we want her to be excluded.” & “you should get over it because your ex has no problem being here and your daughter is ok with it so you and your wife should be” I could go on and on however that is not what I’m really seeking help or input on. Of course any insight wouldn’t be turned away as I’ve been told that I’m immature in thinking that when I got divorced that my ex should no longer be part of the ‘family’ as well. But the main thing in which I am wanting input on is that my daughter who will be graduating and has a limited number of seats for her graduation had decided that her grandparents (both of which are my remarried parents) and my sister should attend the ceremony in the main room and that anyone else should attend in the ‘remote site’ room that includes myself. A little more information that I think is important, My ex and I have/had joint custody and my daughter spent more time at my home than with her mom until a job change caused a move last year and she then turned 18 in which she decided that I shouldn’t be a part of her life (unless she needs money or a ride to school). Mom/ex has been what others have referred to a “Disneyland Mom” where she gives daughter most everything she wants and places no known restrictions or boundaries upon her. I on the other hand have clear expectations of all the children and expect them to participate in chores like helping with babysitting, dishes, laundry or other in my opinion age appropriate items. There are two teenagers and one toddler between my wife and I and we expect the same things for both teens and of course less from the toddler. Both my wife and I come from divorced families and had some similar experiences that we swore we wouldn’t let happen in our house things like not talking about or saying bad things about the other parent, regardless of our feelings or thoughts on that person or their SO, or things like not allowing the kids to play one parent against the other, though I still think they do we haven’t given in at our house. Anyway back to where I’m looking for help, is it wrong of me to speak up and say that inviting my mother father & their spouses is ok but my sister is out of line when I and my wife are excluded because of her attendance? My sister btw has contributed nothing to helping my daughter through school or with anything but an occasional babysitting when daughter was young. Or should I as someone told me just let my daughter pick who she wants and let her have her day with who she wants attending? I know that this is just one side of the story and I really have done what I can to portray things as accurately and shortly as I can. There is much much more than shared here right now I just am lost and wondering where I went wrong….
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