confused, I find your therapist's email puzzling. It seems very directive to me, "make this list!" whereas you are supposed to be choosing the path for your therapy, not him. He seems to still be running the show. What a confusing double message he is sending you. And yes, of course, an appointment is up to you. Isn't it always up to the client to decide if they want to return for another appointment? If you don't have one on the books, just call and make one. (How do you usually do it?)

If it is you who are supposed to be choosing the path, at your next session, just tell him that right now you don't want to make the list of feelings, that it doesn't feel comfortable or productive to you, but you would like to talk about _________ (fill in the blank--maybe it will be your feeling trepidation about choosing the path, feeling like you are headed for a waterfall, etc.).

confused, you are doing great, and I can understand why that email from your T was unsettling.

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I haven't been able to work on anything, no inner child work, no calming things......nothing.......

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Sometimes it is good to work on things as they come up, rather than having a set agenda, such as "today we will do inner child work." If there are more important things to talk about, don't skip over them for a pre-set agenda. The inner child work can wait until next time or the time after that. (My T and I have been talking about doing EMDR anger work for over a month now, but never seem to get to it, as more important stuff keeps coming up. We'll get to it maybe one day. And if not, it's OK.)