hmm.. well if your health is permitting from my experience they can put you on so many meds that you wont know whether you are coming or going... but it can interrupt your work im sure... which i am completely astonished at your ability and strength to continue applying yourself in these scenarios, work, group therapy, ect..

they say its better to be that way, to not know your own name even, that it means the medicine was working, and sometimes i would agree that being like that would be better.. but for the long term i dont see it as a solution.. the depakote really does a number, if you want to try that - but i think you have to have blood tests to make sure your levels dont get too high, i cant remember though.. i just know after they added that i was in lala land, but i had alot of cognitive impact from it, unable to think.. forgetting words... not able to count or say abc's...

but sometimes drastic measures should be taken to avoid the most fatal drastic measure

you could try joining me on the crazy train, just go mad.. let the insanity turn your brain over to the underworld where feelings dont exist, or well not your feelings

i dunno where im at :/ but im not on any drugs or meds beside the wellbutrin so i can only conclude that i have acquired insanity
i wish you could feel better, or atleast feel numb so the things wont prick and prod you constantly

your sadness is deeply rooted, and weeding the garden is no simple feat...
but if we can find the mother root, dump poison and gasoline on it and burn it to the ground, we'll atleast disconect ourself or heal that wound..
we have to not blame ourselves and try not to let the guilt control us, the past is an evil mistress that will haunt us to the end.. or we can turn to the past and tell it that this is the end, my friend.. we part here, and walk ahead with the future - the rescuer and protector
i know how it is.. but i have lost myself in time and am unsure of which is which, so i laugh at it and will walk backwards to the forward hills where i can gaze at the beauty of the world .. but i still carry myself, the wounded and scared self..
but i am strong, even if i am weak, i will make it to the top, even though the journey is long, when the hills are steep, and i am not, i will go down burning, kicking, and biting till the very end and im hoping so to will you my friend

much love brother.. kick with every last breathe
we deserve the world in our hands