I've been there, too. I think what you're describing is hopelessness, feeling like no matter what you do, your life won't get any better. You tried to change it but couldn't. Maybe you need to find another way? And if that doesn't work, another - for as long as it takes for you to find something that makes a difference, even just a tiny one.

Even though you don't feel like it now, you and your life have worth. Don't give up. If you're tired, rest - then try again.