I'm probably weird, considering how many times my uni therapist has told me she loves me, but I just cannot say it out loud to her. I've said it in emails. I can't speak the words. I also can't talk much about my feelings for her in general, as it terrifies me, despite how open she is about her feelings for me. I mean, I'm not even sure about some of it:

"I want to take care of you the way I take care of my own daughter."

"I just want you to be my girl."

Sometimes, though, she says some things that are truly hilarious, like a couple of weeks ago when she was ranting about how angry she feels regarding the way my parents treat me. She was like, "Do your parents know that your mentor thinks the sun shines out of your arse?!" (She is my "academic mentor", but basically she's a trained psychotherapist who helps me work on the issues I have that stop me from being able to do my assignments, which is why I refer to her as my uni therapist on here because for me that is more accurate in terms of what we do in our sessions.) She really can be quite fantastic.

Anyway, she loves to talk about her feelings. Absolutely loves it. She also loves physical affection. She always wants to hug me, or even hold me, to the point where she becomes so "desperate" to get close to me that she is leaning as far as she possibly can over the desk we have between us. I am not used to this sort of emotional display, so I tend to shut down (though I am getting better). I have let her hug me a few times, and each time I can tell that she doesn't really want to let go. She is so incredibly affectionate towards me, and yet I can't respond to it in the same manner? How can it be so scary to tell someone who has told me multiple times that she loves me that I love her too? Why does it feel so wrong?

For me, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I know it is a temporary relationship. I'm scared to let myself just love someone who is eventually going to leave me. And then I find myself thinking, "If she really loves me like she says she does, how can it be so easy for her to just walk away?"