when you work in that field, especially for so long, you are bound to have certain things affect you... even if they dont affect you at the time (back then) it catches up to you i think..

take a gander at this article..
Burnout in psychiatrists

dont feel guilty about the past..
dont feel guilty about being in this position now...
you have done many things in your life and now you are reflecting...
you have been there for many people, and did try to help the best that you could (and employers would allow - protocols and everything..)

you deserve time to relax and take a load off... this time is for you, you deserve to feel well - we all do.. even though sometimes we feel that no, we deserve to be miserable...

try some breathing exercises and put images of things that you find beautiful in your mind... to fill your mind so that there is no room for the negatives...

valium is wonderful, it can relax us - but when we ruminate it cant clear the depressive feelings...

we care about you, thanks for everything that you have done here and there
your achievements are truly acknowledgeable and admirable, your dedication to get through the things you did is inspiring, and i hope that you can find an ounce of relief in hearing someone acknowledge these things.. your contributions are desrving of respect, i dont know if anyone gives you that respect you deserve..
heres to walking the lonely road together