I can call and make the appt, usually at the end of my session he just says same time same bat channel. We are then set for our following week. He didn't do that this last session, and hasn't mentioned anything about a session until I did in an email to him.

I know alot of this is me, my insecurities and hang ups about being abandoned. He says he is with me to the end, then I get mixed messages from him. He tells me to do this and I am calling the shots, he says that I have gotten so much stronger over the past 15 months that he has confidence in me to be able to take us into the next phase, but how come I feel so alone........like this is all me now, I feel myself hiding again.........I don't trust me........he is there to direct me down the right path if I need it........but doing the work on my own scares me, he isn't there to bounce this stuff off of, there isn't anybody there to talk about my feelings or how scared I am...........

So I end up getting mad, and angry at him, and saying things to myself to reinforce the fact that I don't want him in my healing anymore.........but then the next hour I am crying because I cannot do this and he doesn't seem to care........I am so confused.........

There was a reason we hid this stuff for years, because it is so painful, and it hurts so much........the hurt is unbelievable...........going through it without help, isn't feeling good...........

He told me that I have done the hardest part, disclosing to my family, to him. I let the secret out, and it doesn't have the power over me it used to. Then how come I feel so bad?? How come all my emotions and feelings are so scrambled and I still hate me!! Is disclosing the hardest part of all this for everyone??? Or is it the feelings and emotions surrounding the abuse that are the hardest?? Disclosing was hard, don't get me wrong, but this part feels like I am losing me again.........or still..........Am I the only one this is happening to?????????????????????