I honestly don't know anymore what will make me happy I have a boyfriend. Now just started. First relationship and I'm miserable this is the same with college I thought it would make me happy. And it didn't so I dtopped out I just hope the ending result of this doesn't land.me back in the hospital. I can't afford to go back cause my boyfriend does weed and has been in jail what for I don't know. And also having. To commit and feel pressure. To call and do things with him all the time. He's sweet as a puppy and makes me laugh I like him I'm not in love is that bad.also I'm not happy in general I've thoughts of starving and dehydrating myself cause I just feel miserable how can I be a girlfriend if I'm still juggling this bundle of suicide ideation with me

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