thank you. it scares me kinda that i can't talk to mr man. to tell him that i don't feel so good. if he was here... he would know and be able to help me feel better by soothing or distracting me. not sure that can be reinacted over the phone. i'm never sure how much i need to tell him how i feel or how much i just need to put on a happy face so i'll end up feeling happier. not sure. last time i talked to him i did the latter. the time before... he thought i was upset and i was kinda. he asked something about how i was when i was at my worst and i said he had seen that already. that it lasted a couple hours but it could last a couple days sometimes... he seemed a bit shocked.

then said something about how he guessed that it could happen to anyone. but i worry... that he is worrying... about what he has gotten himself into. need to be happier. more productive. healthier. i'm scared he is gonna leave me :-( but... he isn't even here :-( i need someone outside me to organise me. to glue me together or help structure me or something.

having interactions with someone who... left me for a time and i shattered into pieces. hard. don't trust him anymore...

three important people in my life...

i think i need my therapist right now.
dare me to txt him???