Quote:
Originally Posted by IceCreamKid
You are writing about your daughter's mother. That is probably why the woman has been included in so many situations. There may be some undercurrent there too--did your mother disapprove of the divorce? Or of your choice for a second wife? Is your ex-wife still single and alone? Or it could be that your mother simply enjoys exercising her own power to choose the people she likes at the events she holds.
I'd accept my daughter's decision gracefully and then invite her to go out to a celebratory lunch or dinner at some point after the graduation, just you and your daughter and step-mom, if she gets along with daughter.
The best advice I can give to a parent is give what you want to give and are able to give, love unconditionally and don't count grievances.
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I am very much in agreement with Kid. That first sentence is very powerful, and a very true statement. This is the mother of your child.
There is an "ex", as you put it, in my rather large family. She was married to my cousin, the two of them have two amazing children together. They separated in 2003 and eventually divorced. She is invited to everything, not once has she ever been excluded. Reason being, she is family. She is part of our family. She is an integral part of the family.
I am certain that my cousin has felt many of the same feelings that you are feeling. In regards to the children, they are younger than me, but not by much. One was in his young teens and the other a pre-teen when the separation occurred. They were not blind. Just because certain issues weren't brought up in front of them, doesn't mean that they didn't know what was going on around them, that they couldn't feel tension.
Maybe it is time for you and your daughter to have a truly heartfelt one on one conversation. Listen to her feelings. To her, you are the adult. I know for me, at that age - a female teenager, adults/parents were ultimately my enemies. I was never asked about my feelings. I'm not even certain that I'd have been able to completely express them at the time, but, I knew I felt certain ways about a lot of things. Perhaps your daughter will be unable to properly express herself - or maybe she may not want to. Either way it will bring forth a mutual awareness to a longstanding issue, that is now beginning to show itself in different forms.