omg. i sent t an email this morning about how it was understandable that he take some time off but that it hurt. and he replied... at the same time as i posted this:

> hey. yeah. i'm rocking a bit. can call mr. man in a while. but... i don't want him to know i feel upset :-( might help some to hear his voice, though. its hard 'cause he has gone away and i'm starting to forget what he looks like. won't get to see him until early next year :-( and t needed to cancel a session last week cause of conference. just feeling alone. remembered how mr. man used to hold me today... miss that. feel lonely. and sad, kinda. thanks.

t must be psychic :-o

:-)

going to call mr man now... psyching myself up. it isn't that i want to push him away... it isn't that i want to put on a happy face for him and disown what is going on for me... it is just that i don't want to stabotage the relationship by being too needy / too vulnerable / too upset and too hurt. i will try and talk to him... try and connect with him... i will... i just want to be careful. i really want this to work. thanks everybody.