Without going into too much detail about the history of difficulties I've had at work... I've worked in my current job for a little over 4 years and I've been looking for the exit for nearly the same amount of time. It's a very small office comprised entirely of women. Things get catty and cliquey and I have no interest in that kind of thing. I've been the outcast, because I don't like to socialize outside of work and typically don't take part in a lot of the shenanigans that take place.

The job itself, the actual work, is stressful in it's own right. I'm a crime scene investigator and have to see some of society's worst behavior and its aftermath. I used to be very adept at keeping my own trauma history at bay, but this job has proven to be too much for me to handle. I've gone out on FMLA leave twice due to stress.

I take a lot of pride in my work. I get my work and reports done in a timely manner and I rarely get anything back that needs "fixing". Other analysts like working with me in the field, because they know that I do my job and don't need to be micromanaged. There are others that some of us feel need to be checked up on to make sure everything gets done.

A month ago, I arrived at work and was immediately summoned to the boss's office. Uh oh. I was informed that I was being reassigned to a different department, in an entirely different building from the crime lab, pending an Internal Affairs investigation into my conduct. What? They revoked all of my access to the building, took my keys, and told me to take what I needed from desk for this new job. I felt and still feel like a criminal. My coworkers haven't once asked me if I'm doing ok. I've been ostracized, yet again.

They waited an entire week before telling me what I was being investigated for. As you can imagine - my mind and imagination went rampant. I was finally interviewed by IA and it turns out someone was accusing me of mishandling a firearm. They said I pointed at them. Really? Me?

It's part of my job to process firearms for fingerprints. I know how to handle a gun. Those firearms have been safety checked before they ever even make it into the lab. How can you mishandle or unsafely handle a firearm that's been safety checked TWICE? It's essentially a paperweight.

So, it's been a month and I haven't heard anything. I'm worried that they'll find against me due to my mental health issues. In October of last year, a coworker reported me to my superiors for self-injury. It was the ONE time I self-injured in an area that's visible and I paid for it. They made me sit down with a MET unit (mental health evaluation team) who asked me a bunch of questions about self-injury and suicide. I'm worried about the confidentiality of that conversation. If IA has access to that, they might decide that I'm unstable and cannot be trusted to handle firearms. At which point, I'd be asked to resign, because I can't continue to perform all of my job functions.

So, I'm totally stressed out. For the first two weeks I would just start crying randomly. This is killing me. This place is killing me.