After giving birth to my son, I was in a LOT of physical pain. I couldn't even hold him because of how bad I felt ..... Breast feeding was a nightmare because my back hurt in every position. I was miserable but ashamed to talk about it. Then mania set in which I shake just thinking of what I did at that time. Please talk to your doctor. If you have a decent one, they will listen to everything without judgement. I wish I had more info, but it was nearly 20 years ago for me and some stuff I just can't remember. Your baby AND you deserve the best version of yourself. (((Hugs)))