Riverx, I have had to conclude that you are somehow not typical of people with Schizoid personality disorder. I'm learning a lot from your perspective on it. You just don't generally fit what I've learned in my classes, and I've wondered if you might have been misdiagnosed. Although I have a brother in law whom I would diagnose as schizoid if anyone asked me. He is married (which some of my professors have told me would rule out Schizoid right there), but other than his wife, he really doesn't like to be around people. Sometimes he gets almost mean about it, or at least what seems rude, but I think that may just be the skills that he has. I know enough about his childhood and family to know that he has experienced a lot of pain growing up, and I'm sure that the way he is now is a way of protecting himself.

One thing that is said about personality disorders generally is that the symptoms tend to bother other people more than the person who has the personality disorder. I have personality disorders myself, and that can be hard to take because the last thing that I want is to hurt anyone else. But I think that seeing the effect that we have on others is an important step to change. It doesn't seem like certain ones (like narcissists) have any desire to stop hurting others, but even narcissistic personality disorder develops as a defense against the harsh and antagonistic world that the person was raised in. That probably doesn't make it easier when you have been hurt by a narcissist though.

The other thing is that we all tend to select mates who are like the models of love and relationships that we know best. So if your father is a narcissist, that could be why you find yourself in relationships with narcissists. Something about it is familiar, and at least at a subconscious level, it is what looks like love. Growing up with a narcissistic parent would also tend to explain how you may have developed your own personality disorder, however it is expressed for you. That would be a painful childhood.

Rap