Dear T,

I'm grateful that our session went completely opposite of what I thought would happen. I was so aggravated and irritable and I was certain, do to my own insecurities that you would terminate me. I told you how I keep waiting for you to reject me, that I'm too high maintenance and you will give up on me. I know that trust on my side is slow and so often I take huge steps backwards, but you just handle it in stride.

We talked about my negative transference with you and where that comes from when it happens. My need for you to see me, to acknowledge me is a horrible by product of a father who didn't love me.

Later you brought up some things you remembered about our first sessions that had nothing to do with therapy and I was elated. Things I've said that have stuck with you after seeing you for 14 months. I needed that so much. I felt calmer and some small part of me healed. I was worth remembering.

I'm sorry I'm so difficult, even if you don't think I am.

#Life is a beautiful lie#