I wish I could answer, but when stable, I don't pay attention to what is happening. Of course I can cry, laugh hysterically and still be stable, but I just don't notice anything else because I'm living life and things seem "right". I will start to pay closer attention when stable because I want to replicate my thoughts/actions when I am. I've been asleep this past year (long story)

I've always assumed I'd die young. I'm old now so it didn't happen. I'm in the same boat as you, trying to figure out what the future will bring for me. Only time will tell.

They say to live in the moment. If that doesn't work, live for the future. If the past sucks, don't go there, but if it's pleasant, visit for s bit when you're feeling bad in the now. Move forward rather than backwards. That's what I've learned.