Hello PointofNoReturn: This is really something you should talk with a mental health professional about. (I'm sure you know that...) The thing is... I know what it's like to feel the way you do. I've been there. I did permanent injury to myself self-harming. Looking back now, I wish I hadn't done it. But there's nothing I can do about it now. The hell of it is, at the time that I was doing it, I knew it was crazy... but I couldn't stop myself. And I didn't even want to talk to anyone about it, because I LIKED what I was doing! So, anyway, although I'm sure I'm not suggesting anything you don't already know, I'd just like to encourage you to reach out for help before you cause yourself permanent injury that you'll regret later.