Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeNessMonster
I would love to do this. Im trying to get up my courage to talk to him tonight. Im scared hes going to rage at me and miss my whole point. He gets very defensive and brings up things about what ive done that are fictional and name calls etc. Or he says things like "if you dont like me as I am you can just leave."
Im not even sure if itd be enough for him to start counseling at this point. Im feeling very resentful.
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all entirely manipulation on his part. Rage succeeds in keeping you afraid to voice anything. HIs "not getting it" is an excuse possibly only of your own making but you may have reasons based on his acting like he doesn't understand... another manipulation. The "if you don't like me as I am you can leave" another manipulation he does not really want to have happen but is used because at this point he believes (or knows) you won't leave because of guilt of him passing the buck to you that you're not accepting enough of him or something
Fact is, no you don't like him as he is, the behavior needs to change or you do need to go. you've conditioned him for 3 yrs without consequence, he has no fear of losing you anyway.. But your choice is, you can continue to allow him to manipulate you into silence and submission (avoiding holding him to stepping up to the plate and changing his behavior) or you can really mean to walk away... but if you decide it's time to do so you have to mean it or don't bother saying it.
Decide, either way. Once you do. stick to it or it was never a decision.