I was thinking back, and realized that almost every difficulty or mistake in my life can be traced back to issues I have with sex. If I had developed a more normal attitude towards sex in my youth like most people, then my life would have been a lot different - probably better, but who knows.
- I didn't enter puberty until I was almost 17, so that made me feel abandoned as they all became interested in girls.
- Then I didn't understand that masturbation was normal, so I felt very ashamed until I talked to a psychologist in college (almost 4 years later).
- I went to a college with a male:female ratio of 8:1, so that made romance unlikely.
- Pornography often makes sex seem raunchy, and unfortunately pornography and masturbation has been my own avenue of sexual relief. I have always found sex disgusting for this reason.

All of this contributed to depression, low self esteem, etc. Also, I think masturbation and pornography often lead to addiction, and this has been a problem. I have a love/hate relationship with my sexual desires. Now I am getting close to 50, and I have very low libido, but I still seem to have an addiction to pornography and masturbation. I don't like becoming less sexually active, even though my sex life isn't much good. Oh well.