I do like the idea of a dinner at a later date to celebrate, since it would appear by the calendar that graduations are soon to occur accross the country. It's probably no solace but it's a compromise.
I can certainly see the point about your daughter being given mixed signals due to the dynamics of everything.
As far as my own invites with my kids paternal family, I stick to the majors, such as a recent baby shower, an upcoming sweet 16, plus the birthday of a cousin that truly looked forward to their presence and their father was at work. I think there's even an upcoming wedding, fair enough since I had invited her own mother to mine albeit being long divorced from her father.
I keep my own major holidays typically, including Mother's Day :\
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