So I have been off my medications for awhile and just started on them again on Monday because I caught myself starting to cycle. I did not start out at the full strength I was on but instead slowly working my way back up under supervision of my Doc and my wife the psych nurse. Well I have felt a little sick to my stomach on Tuesday not bad and tolerable. Well I attended a Friday church program called Celebrate Recovery that is not just about drugs and alcohol but just about anything in general. Well I started to feel depressed before it was time to go I was going to skip tonight but decided to go cause it is a good group of people to talk about your feelings and good fellowship and I have had problems with isolation. Well it came my turn to talk and I cried in front of these guys now they have known me for a couple of years and they comforted me. I am not afraid to cry but I have only done it in front of my family. I do not feel bad about crying but hell before I started back on my meds I felt pretty happy but I knew or at least I think I was going to cycle again cause my temper was starting to come around again and same with small bouts of paranoia. This suck I am actually crying as I type this and I feel like I am going to cry myself to sleep tonight. I am just glad that I am not feeling suicidal. Thanks for letting me vent.

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