In life, I mean. I have been fighting addiction for about 10 years, but has gotten much worse over the past year. Uncontrollable, pretty much. I am a changed person. When there are pills around, I cannot be trusted. Honestly, I'm addicted to a lot of things. Nicotine, caffeine, chocolate, shopping, coffee, pills (biggest problem), I smoke pot moderately, and drink if I find nothing else.

I am seeing a therapist about this and other things, but I keep relapsing. I keep getting more. When I don't have pills, I feel like I have NO purpose in life, I lay around and sleep a lot. When I have pills, I get stuff done, highly motivated, and fun to be around. Without them, I am a dud, and don't do ANYTHING. Going to the grocery store is too much work and hassle. I look at people, envious of those who don't fight what I do, and wonder how I became one of "those people." I look at them and wonder how they can be functional, happy in their lives and not eat, sleep and DREAM about the addiction anymore.

Is there anyone out here who has beat their addition, and what did you do to find some motivation and sense of meaning in your life again? I'm not interested in AA/NA, stuff like that.