My depression was to the point where I really didn't want to continue with life at all. That feeling went on for 8 years along with over 30 suicide attempts (several almost successful). I couldn't take meds due to the horrible side effects, so therapy was the only thing I had available. I actually got out of the deepest depression & became a functional part of society again. I even got up nerve enough to go to college to persue a second career (for my new second childhood). After the semester was over, I found myself waking up in the morning feeling like I weighed 1000 lbs. My world was going in circles, & I just couldn't get myself out of bed because I just didn't want to go on. Initially my first guess was that "I had the flu" after all, that is usually the answer when one doesn't feel well.

Well, the feeling didn't get better & I wasn't running a temperature...duh....how dumb could I be??? That was how I felt when my depression was bad before. At that point, I decided that I needed to figure out what might be causing me to feel that way...what was the trigger that was making me feel so horrible again. It took quite a bit of analysis, but realized the situation that was causing this. Then came the analysis as to what I could do to put myself in control of the situation or at least so I could feel "in control". I started fighting back, & the feeling seemed to be relieved a little, but I kept encountering road blocks. I kept re-adjusting my tactics for the fight & my depression feelings really began to lighten. I actually didn't believe that it would help initially so I was really amazed when I started feeling better (& without meds). I must admit that the feeling is constantly there in the shadows because the problem has not been resolved in a permanent way yet. I now have to constantly adjust my plans with the goal of placing the depression into the background where I can live with it again. I find it tolerable where it is because I have the feeling of being in control. I must admit, there are other conditions that I am fighting along with the depression which are anxiety and ED (not eating), but hopefully when I get my life back into order, those things will fall into place also. I do have my psychologist that I talk over my plans & feelings with, & my pdoc that constantly monitors my condition suggesting meds only as a last resort.

I realize that this method does not work for many people because my pdoc does not understand how I ever got where I am without meds, but says if works don't break it. I too do not understand how it worked except for possibly that I was desperate to feel better & knew I couldn't depend on meds...???? I will never understand it nor be able to explain it...just thankful that something finally got it under control.