smallwonderer, you're completely right: I should probably believe that, about mania, about getting things done. But I don't, ever. I do get things done, but when I continue with it more or less manic, I can only touch it again being (at least as) manic.

I have too strong beliefs generally, chronically. It doesn't have to make sense. It's psychotic, but it is. That's why I compared it to catatonia.

Even if it were just severe anxiety, but definitely if it were just a more normal belief, I could have some confidence to overcome it. I keep hope, but as it is, nothing has really been there to justify that. Just my more religious beliefs.

Thanks for your story and advice.