<font color="blue"> Hi Mars,

The problem with "relaxing into" the experience is that I wake up already in a panic. That is why my eyes fly open....because I'm scared before I even open them. And usually when you open your eyes, you try to balance yourself by looking at your surroundings and just calming yourself down. But already being in a panic, and then not even knowing anything about person, place, time, being.....it just compounds the terror. Interesting, yes....but scary upon scary.

I had another panic attack last night, but it was the "normal" kind....woke up scared already, but I was perfectly aware of person/place. The Inderal LA helps to keep the physical symptoms to a minimum....but it does nothing for me psychologically.

I *think* I know why I'm having the panic attacks lately. I'm scheduled to go into our local food/clothing bank this week for an interview so that I can volunteer there. I had to cancel last week because I got too nervous. And again this week, I'm thinking that I can't do this. I was sooooo looking forward to being able to give of myself and my time, but I seem to be turning my mental health upside down by even attempting a reintegration back into society. *sigh* I don't want to spend the rest of my days sitting at home, but I can't even seem to be able to handle even a few hours per week of volunteer work.

Oh well, such is life.

Take care!

Hugs,
Sandy </font>