Hi there. I posted a few days ago about how deep I am into my substance abuse. I am really tired of it myself but can't seem to stop. My husband doesn't even want to be around me anymore. We are separated and have been for a long time but now he doesn't want to spend any time with me. I have tried AA so many times and I still can't get sober or stay sober. I feel hopeless. I believe in the AA program and the big book and I know it works because I've done it before and have seen people do it, but I feel my brain is too far gone. I am just really depressed right now. I have every reason to get sober and yet I keep using. I can't stand the withdraws so I keep using. My mind, body, spirit is tired. I am Bipolar and I think it makes it worse. I feel like that type of alcoholic that the big book talks about "The Manic Depressive" on which a whole chapter could be written. I almost wish I would have cancer. I know that sounds horrible but that is how hopeless I feel. At least cancer isnt your fault. Anyway, I guess I am just venting. Thanks for listening.