I was trying to go to sleep but had to get back up because all I could do was lay there and look at the ceiling and think about t today. It was the 2nd time (today and last week) that she tried to get me to talk about what's going on between us, what's causing this push-pull stuff in me, she even asked if I was angry with her, and I couldn't. Again. And now I'm firmly entrenched in therapy hangover land, and can't go to sleep. So I'm back on the computer. All I could do when she was looking at me that way she does that feels like she's seeing into my soul, was tell her to stop looking at me like that. I usually look at her when we talk. But I hardly did at all today. Mostly I looked out the window, at the sand play shelves, at her dog.... anywhere but at her... in my own defense the window was open and the birds were kinda distracting... but mostly I didn't want to look at her. I so wish I could understand this.

Well I'm going to try going back to bed. I'm tired and need to sleep. Night couch.