Hello and Welcome NoTimeLikeNow!

I'm Rachel and your situation sounds somewhat similar to mine. I have always been an anxious person. My dad was an alcoholic -- I loved him very much and spent most nights scared to death that he would go to prison, kill himself or kill someone else. (He loved to drink and drive.) The only reason he stopped drinking was because he got cancer which brought a lot of medical issues. Four months after his diagnosis, my 26 year old fiance was diagnosed with cancer. From 2010 until 2014, I lived with constant anxiety, but it was justified. I have always been afraid to leave my hometown -- even 45 minutes away -- that got much worse when they got sick. I didn't want them more than 5 minutes away from me.

When they passed away, I felt so much better - anxiety wise. I felt like there wasn't anything else to worry about because they were no longer suffering and the worst had already happened... I lost them. I was in shock, but I was free for the first time in my life. I had sadness and anger but I wasn't anxious. I could travel and enjoy it. It lasted until I lost my house, which was a year and a half after they had both passed and happened to be 2 weeks after I turned 26.

It was like my anxiety was encased in stone and someone broke it open. It was like someone opened Pandora's Box. I haven't ever had so much anxiety in my life -- the funny thing is that I do not have anything to be anxious about. I have a new, great boyfriend and a beautiful house that I remodeled the kitchen in, everyone is healthy to my knowledge, we don't have any money troubles... no real threats to be anxious about. Also, I've developed health anxiety (hypochondria). Everyday brings a new symptom or even worse the same symptom will keep dragging on convincing me that I am dying.

Over the last 6 months I have been getting better and better at dealing with my health anxiety and panic attacks by realizing what I am feeling is anxiety and not some serious illness. I have also started eating better and exercising, which I know helps because I hurt my foot last week so I haven't been on the treadmill or up cooking dinner and I have felt terrible for the last 3 days. I'm still failing at the anxiety though. For three days, my head, face, neck and shoulders have all been tense and hurting, my stomach is upset, I have heartburn, acid re-flux and bloating. My mind is racing, my chest is tight, my heart rate is on the high end of normal and breathing feels difficult but its really not. I just keep telling myself it is anxiety and I can get through it. If I pay it no mind, it will go away. It hasn't worked yet, but I am getting back on that treadmill tomorrow.

I got on here tonight to express my feelings and read some posts. Reading that others are dealing with and/or beating the same thing that I am going through helps. I like reassuring myself that I am not alone in this. I also like getting feedback from others even if I know a lot of it already. It's nice to connect with people who understand. So that's why I yammered on in this post. I hope it helps.

My only other advice is to do things that you love and spend time with people that you love. Even if its hard to enjoy them now due to depression, it will get better and more normal.