Hello Sakura13,
Let me tell you my story (well the part that relates to your issue at hand), I hope this does more helping that hurting, because it involves a lot of death and struggle.

**If reading my full story will cause you even more anxiety then skip down to the part where you see more stars and it says its safe to read**

My grandmother was the first to be diagnosed with cancer, this was Summer 2008. My dad was diagnosed in April 2010, then my fiance in July 2010. All of them at one point or another, sometimes two of them at the same time had complications with their illness. My grandmother passed away on my dad's birthday in 2011, while he was having major surgery in another city 2 hours away. (And it wasn't cancer that killed her, she was beating that.)

My dad passed away in March of 2014 from Congestive Heart Failure that went undetected because they kept looking for cancer when there wasn't any -- he had beat it.

My fiance beat the first cancer occurrence, but the second took him in July 2014. His mother locked me out of our house while he was in hospice and I was too grief stricken to fight her on it. She stole everything of his, 75% of our stuff and 50% of what I had in our house. (I also had my own house which made it super easy for her to take advantage of the situation and my emotions.)

I lost two friends in February 2015, which was also craziness... one was 45 and had a massive heart attack after leaving the hospital where he found out his mom had endstage cancer and would die in a couple weeks... then she died a couple weeks later.

In the Summer of 2015, I had to cut two of my closest and oldest friends out of my life because they decided they wanted to be meth heads.

In addition to this I lost 2 dogs in 2013 (veterinary malpractice and cancer) and then another in April of 2015 (undetected congestive heart failure). And I am one of those people who isn't having kids and my pets are my kids.

**Safe to read**

My anxiety, panic attacks and health anxiety flared up (like Hurricane Katrina strength) in October 2015 when my house was foreclosed on. Coincidentally this was when I had no direct threats to worry about. Everyone in my life appears to be healthy. No money problems. Good roof over my head. No real reason to worry... so now I am worrying about getting sick and/or dying.

I cannot tell you the number of doctors i have seen in the last six months. I have had my head, heart, lungs, thyroid, ears, nose, throat, stomach, spleen, neck, and female parts checked... more than once. I cannot count the times I have had bloodwork done on my hands. I have seen a psychiatrist quite a few times. Every doctor believes me to be completely healthy. All of my symptoms are stress/anxiety related.

Now the brighter side of my story. I am doing better. I am not taking daily medications. (This week I am off track and anxious, but this week is the exception.) I started exercising, eating better, drinking more water and working (which I wasn't able to do before). I started telling myself that while I do not want to die, it would be okay. I started telling myself every time that I have a symptom that it is just anxiety and stress... just because I have a symptom doesn't mean that I have cancer or am dying. I started expressing any suppressed emotions that I have and talking more with friends and family. I found a new hobby that keeps my mind focused. I started praying and thanking god for what I have been given. I have started looking at anything bad that happens in a more positive light... I consider that it could always be worse and someone out there has it worse right now. I can also be a little egocentric, so I remind myself that their struggle does not relate to me -- its not about me. However, I do allow myself to realize that my feelings are a reaction to what I witnessed and lost and I am entitled to feel sad, but not let it plague my existence. When I have negative thoughts I try to redirect them into something positive. For example, when I starting imagining getting sick or dying, I tell myself "no" and try to imagine getting married or buying my next house or doing something that I love. Lastly, I tell myself that I will not waste time letting my anxiety about dying or being sick ruin my life while I am alive and healthy.

I hope this helps. What you are going through is hard, but I am living proof that you can make it through this! I think of anxiety recovery like recovering from addiction -- you have to take it one day at a time, its hard to kick the habit, relapse is possible but not the end of the world and there are a lot of steps involved!