I have been processing a lot of grief lately. Just for some background, about 2 years ago I had to rehome one of my dogs...then after moving, I got another dog...well, things didn't work out with the new dog so I had to find her a new home too. I know both the dogs are happy and healthy in their new homes...but I have been going through various stages of grief at having lost them both due to my depression and inability to take care of them.

I've also been triggered it wanting to get another dog but I've made myself a promise I won't until my service dog gets to be 8 or 9 and I am well enough to take care of 2 dogs at a time.

Anyways, last night I had a dream that I owned six dogs and the aspca came to take them away and I was fighting desperately to get them back. I woke up in tears and panicking, missing my other two dogs so much.

The dream was much more about the first dog I had to give up than the second, and I had much more grief attached to rehoming him that the other. I almost committed suicide because of it. And this morning I'm feeling very triggered to self harm even though I haven't done so in 10 months.

I miss them so much right now and the grief is so fresh. It's just not fair...I thought I was over it.

Seesaw

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