Thanks guys, I'm just slipping further and further away from reality it seems. I have had occasional Drs, and they've all put me on Prozac at one point or another. I'm just at this point where is that really helping me or just covering up the wound? Our medical coverage is ok, but only allows us to see Drs. at a certain place, and though medically they're great doctors, but the psych department is the medical equivalent to the fast food industry.

"I feell like crap can't get anything done."
"I see that sucks, here's some pills see you in a month"
"Wow thanks Pills!!!!"

I was inspired to seek out an online support group this afternoon because of a conversation I had with my fiance, and upon realizing besides him I had no one else to talk to.

Here's what he said:

Josh: Honey?
Kaidabear: ya?
Josh: Don't you have class right now?
Kaidabear: ya
Josh: You didn't go?
Kaidabear: no
Josh: why?
Kaidabear: I don't really know
Sent at 12:20 PM on Monday
Kaidabear: i was gonna do laundry
but haven't started it yet
Sent at 12:22 PM on Monday
Kaidabear: josh?
Josh: yes?
Kaidabear: are you mad?
Josh: I don't know how to deal with this except to either let you fall on your *** (which isn't really an option) or punish you as if you were a child/
Kaidabear: just cause i miss one day doesn't mean i'm falling on my ***
Josh: You're missing a day for no reason, you bought that game last night because you forgot that I got mad when you spent $150 on games. We haven't had clean silverware in almost a week. This is not acceptable
Kaidabear: i'm working on the dishes now
and i didnt forgot that you got mad I forgot that you asked me not buy any more games
please don't ***** at me honey, it's not like i wasn't doing well before, i went 3 weeks without missing any class, and that doesn't count now? I already feel terrible about not going, and you yelling at me about it is only beating me down further
I'm not upset at you so please don't think that, just expressing how i feel
I do understand your frustration and I'm not ignoring or dismissing that,
it is unacceptable to go that long without clean silverware, it was very selfish and stupid to buy that game, and it was stupid to miss class
I can not become this perfect person you wish i was over night honey
I AM gonna fall on my ***,
buying that game WAS falling on my ***
it's whether i get back up that matters
and I'm worried that you didn't bother mentioning to me your dissatisfaction with the dishes all weekend, and only said it cause i missed class
I can't take you resenting me without letting me know whats making you unhappy
it's not fair
you could have said, ya honey lets go out but would you do the dishes first?
that would have been fine
Am I just delusional here?
Sent at 12:39 PM on Monday
Kaidabear: fine don't talk to me
Sent at 12:42 PM on Monday

Since he didn't answer, maybe you all can tell me if I'm delusional.

I don't want to give the wrong idea, Josh as been the best support I've ever had in my life. I can see though that in five years of going back and forth over the same damn things, it's getting to him.