I dont know where to begin. I am so lost. I am all alone in this world and I am desperate to find my place in life. My thoughts are constantly not happy ones and I my anger and stress is so great I feel myself breaking down. I am completely stuck with my situation and it is not going to get any better. My job has been killing me for the past 10 years. But I still go, 12+ hours a day and forced to do some work on the weekends. I have two beautiful children, but I can't be a part of their life the way I think a parent should be due to my job. Their father and I just can't get along. Just now we were finally getting along and he had to bring up something that basically broke us apart. He stills lives here, but really all he does when I am home is pretend to be sleeping. Anywat, this thing was two years ago, but he was talking about this party where this girl (who I suspected of them having a relationship ) who just so happened to show up as a "surprise" and he just told me today that they slept over the friends house. They were all passed out drunk. I don't believe him when he says that they slept in separate rooms. This guy has a two bedroom house and there were 6 people who stayed over. He would have never told me that part unless I mumbled under my breath that she was probably there. I was away visitng family.

I really don't have anyone to talk to about this or really anything that I am feeling. I have no time for me due to my work schedule and I have to keep my job because he forces me to pay for all the bills as he works a lot too, but never has any money...I recently found out that he spends about a grand a month on eating out. He also has joined a high end gym and bought a high end car and a new iphone. But he can't pay for his car insurance without giving me crap about it. (It's all in my name)

So after the yelling was over...he said that there is something wrong with me. My kids heard and said is that why you won't marry Mommy? He said well a ring is expensive and she is never going to get one now. And a ring is very expensive.

I just thought to myself that I guess I not worth it.

I dont know if what I have been feeling is a result of this "relationship" or the "relationship" is what is causing my feelings.