[QUOTE=monalisasmile;5044404]I sometimes wonder why it has to be so painful to be attached to a therapist. I have no plans to stop seeing my t but I know the day will eventually come when we will terminate. Sometimes I think that this relationship has stopped me developing more intimate relationships but then I look back and see how much the relationships I do have have flourished because of my relationship with t.
I am feeling very sad this week because you are away and it's when you go away I realise I am alone. I sometimes wonder if it's possible to go back in time when I wasn't in therapy and didn't have the awareness I have now, I was somewhat happy then and now I feel so desperately sad. Sometimes we don't understand each other t but most of the time we do and then that's when I fall part because I can never know you outside of our hour a week together and that's when I feel that this is false. I need more from you t, I need real connection. Can anybody relate or am I falling apart here?

Hi Mona
I'm sorry that your going through intense difficulty .. The therapist/client dynamic is so difficult ( especially for the client,and I can only speak as a client). I can relate to what you said about being more aware now vs before being in therapy. But that awareness comes at a price. We suffer from what sometimes feels like the most insatiable desire to be closer to our therapists, to want more from them, and to know the cruel reality that we only know what little they share and they know ALL about us.We (usually) only see them once a week. It is the most unbalanced relationship ever!!
That's exact how it has been for me. I would obsess thinking about my therapist. I would get angry with her, for just about anything that she did wrong. Sometimes it was justified and sometimes maybe it was my own stuff. About a month ago ( maybe a little less) I had posted that my therapist came off rather uncaring after my surgery. Well, since then I've had some sort of epiphany. I realize that I have expected too much from my therapist. It still hurts like hell but I know that she will never care for me the way I wish she would. I am her client. I kind of feel like I have given up on her ( wanting more than she can give me) . Maybe it is healthy that I have come to this realization. It still hurts though! I've even thought that maybe I need a break, but that's for another post😊 I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know if this therapist/ client relationship is a bad thing or a good thing.. it just is. We take what's beneficial and learn from it, even if it hurts. We learn what is our stuff and in some instances, what is not our stuff. I hope that I didn't ramble on too much..and that you find the clarity that you need. : )