I want to bring this up with my uni therapist the next time I see her, because I simply don't understand it. I don't understand how we got from that day at the beginning of February last year when I arrived 30 minutes late for my first session, to where we are now. I don't know what happened. The question I keep asking myself is, "What did I do?"

She tells me she loves me. How?! HOW did that happen?! And what does that even mean?

I can relate to that feeling of shame after such a display of kindness. I broke down in tears a couple of months ago, for the first time ever in front of her, and she moved her chair to my side of the desk we have between us and put her arms around me. She held me like that for several minutes until I stopped crying, softly speaking comforting words the whole time, and afterwards I was so ashamed I didn't know what to do with myself. I want her to hold me again, because it made me feel so loved, but then I don't understand why she would love me and I feel it is wrong to love her as much as I do.

She is a fantastic therapist who has made me aware of so many self-destructive things I do on a daily basis, and I have grown so much from working with her, but this particular aspect of our relationship is very painful for me.