Thank you, Talthybius.

I can't say why I feel that way (fitting in). I just do. I feel it's for the reasons I mentioned.

I don't have anxiety about my grades... I guess we're lucky.

I do think everyone feels pressure to get high grades, though, despite age.

Grades are important, and it's an indicator of a hard worker. But it can take hard work to get a B in some classes, too. It's just that the highest grades can be displayed and carried around like a proof of superiority. I stopped showing the grades I got to other students for this reason, unless they're pushy about it. That's what really makes me feel icky about this part of my problem. I have a lot of respect for people with straight As who are accomplishing a lot in school. I admire that. But I don't respect those who look down on others who are struggling, that's all. Or those using grades as a "I'm better than you" ticket. Or those who get drunk on attention from other students for their good grades. It seems so childish to me. But, like my post has said, it's not my only worry.

The point is that I can't seem to fit in with fellow students. I wonder that if what I think about them is true, maybe I shouldn't. Maybe most students and I are too far apart in perspectives. Maybe I should change my perspective a bit?

I think there's a lot to the talents of people. I usually look for a unique specialization in other students, i.e., some students who perform amazingly well in some technique. I've seen some students who performed "okay" or "not so good" in classes who would do something amazing out of nowhere, like a student who was able to gather and connect info for a project in an awesome way. I mean, if we're talking about knowing who's best in order to keep contacts, people like that can be just as good to know if not better than the straight-A students.

Maybe it's because I like to study alone, so I don't need other students to help me learn and do well. I can see then why it'd help to befriend those with excellent grades. Maybe study groups are actually where everyone makes friends. I don't do too well socially in those either, though. I guess it's just an issue with me.

Could my outlook on this whole thing actually cause me to be pushed away by other students?

I think it's something deeper than that. I think it's a problem with me, like a mental disorder sort of issue. I think I'm generally a little paranoid, but it's affecting my life, so maybe I should get that sorted out.