Hi everyone, this is my first post. I have been seeing a therapist for 3 years now as i was sexually abused as a child by my brother. For my whole life i pretended it didnt happen but im so sick of keeping his secret now.
My mother doesnt know about this - or at least i think she doesnt. I tried to tell her once when i was a child but she didnt believe me and dismissed it.
My sister knows because he tried it on with her but she says he never did anything to her.

Anyway, to cut long story short. I cant stand my brother. To me, he is an abuser and he makes me feel horrible when im around him. So as i dont live with him i try to avoid seeing him. Anyway we always celebrate christmas together as a family - mainly because mum wants it this way. My brother bought me loads of stuff for christmas. He never really liked my sister (thats probably why he didnt abuse her) so he didnt buy her as much as he bought me. I have a friend and he saw a picture of her and probably fell in love. I told my friend the truth about my brother. He is not a nice guy. He found out and stopped talking to me. She has a little girl and im not going to let him hurt her too.
Anyway he completely deleted me out of his life. Blocked me on facebook. Before he messaged me and said he's sad that im not like a real sister. It makes me want to tell him how can i be after what hes done. If i go to my mum's and he comes there and sees me there, he turns around and then says he cant be around me or he's done with me.
What makes me angry is that fact that he makes me look like i have done something wrong. I feel guilty for telling my friend the truth but then i think it is his secret and not mine - why should i keep quiet and what is he did anything to her little girl. I would never forgive myself.
I so want to tell him what i think of him and what hes done to me and that i will not be quiet about it any more but im scared and im not sure why im scared. I know my mum would not be able to cope with this if she knew - she suffers with depression and cant cope with anything these days.
I find it hard to cope with my feelings myself.
There is so much stuff going on with my family and i find it difficult to stay strong.
I wanted to get this off my chest and any advice or words of wisdom would be very appreciated.
Thank you

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