You said: People have been saying my depression is situational for years

Other people are defining what the cause of your depression is. They seem to be leaving you out of it. Don't let them do this! Keep a log. Spend a bit of time each day meditating on your experiences. Read all opinions on depression/anxiety. You already spend time on PC so put the comments here into your perspective. How has your past effected you? Who had the most influence on your life? There may be common threads to explain some of the depression.

I read a lot on politics and geo-politics. Thru this interest I realized that my Christian upbringing was horribly lacking; there was something wrong. From there I discovered the approach my family took in rearing me and lo and behold patterns appeared. It brought into perspective what was the cause of much of my self loathing, insecurity, anxiety and depression. Sure I have to take responsibility for making poor decisions but, let's be clear about this; how one's mind is shaped during the formative years has a profound effect on you as an adult. This is compounded when those that shaped you continue to feed you their poison even when your in middle age. It's not easy uprooting an old oak!

I have no clue as to where I should go from here. At 59 I see NO future. Pursue a career? In what, customer service? Borrow thousands of dollars for school and graduate at 65? It's too late for love. Who wants a middle-aged man with no future or prospects? If you are much younger than I look into yourself and discover the roots of your depression. Read, research, listen to as much as possible, not just what the 'professionals' say either. If you can begin carving out and filing away the negative stuff foisted on you by anyone then do it. Depressed folks have some hidden gifts if they can only find it. Some of the world's greatest achievers from the arts to the sciences did magnificent things and they still suffered with depression. Do it now while you're still young.

As for me. Well, I use Xanax for sedation and Ambien for sleep. It's the only way to get thru each day because each day a little more of me disappears.