Hi everyone,
I feel like giving you an update, just to get this off my chest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesmom
Don't forget that people who enjoy control cannot stand to feel rejected, so if you appear to be strong, she will work that much harder to get you back. Once back with her, she will treat you badly.
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This is so spot on.
Our "relationship" has fluctuated back and forth between these stages.
Once I reach a state of accepting our break-up and distance myself, she senses a feeling of loss and wants to get back together. When we are back together, she becomes less drawn to me and regrets her decision to "take me back".
In this last iteration my submissiveness actually took this one-sided attraction to a whole new level: For a few days, we have lived in a state where she admitted to not having any feelings for me anymore, but I submitted to her nonetheless. She started abusing this urge of mine (made me clean up and drive her around, but rejected me sexually), and I got a kick out of it.
For a bit I was truly scared that I was being abused and lacked the willpower to end the situtation by myself. Fortunately, she did.
We have now agreed to fully commit to the break-up, cease all contact, and don't see each other again. However, we have also both vowed to not "start anything new". I was actually the one who suggested this: We would both start to live by ourselves, but truthfully let the other know once we have moved on to somebody else (which is mostly relevant for her, as she has a new love interest lined up). In a nutshell, I promised her that I'd wait for her. Obviously, she was very content with this solution.
Now I wonder if this was the right thing to do. Again, she left me in a state where she had me "secured" as a backup solution. Can I actually get over this break-up when in the back of my mind I still hope that we'd get back together?
On the other hand, if I told her something along the lines of me moving on and eventually looking for a new partner, I would just spark another iteration of the whole cycle. I don't want to lie and break my promise either, though!
It has been 5 weeks now, and nothing is getting easier. I think this break-up wears on me much heavier than on other people.
I'm moderately depressive and have been clinging to the relationship as my last resort of self-esteem ("I may don't have the career I had planned, but at least I'm in a happy relationship").
Can you give me any advice on how I can actually detach myself from her?