thanks guys.

i'm not sure what is up with this... but when i try and txt message him it won't go through. says something about my not being able to send to that number. it is strange because i can txt other people and he can txt other people but we don't seem to be able to txt each other. weird because i can send international txt's to the USA and Canada and New Zealand to OTHER people, but I don't seem to be able to txt him in the US... My phone doesn't have a camera... And we are both pretty weird about having our photos taken at any rate. Nice thing is that we both have homepages that have our photos on though - ha! So... I look at that sometimes... And some people take pics at party's and stuff so there are a couple other pictures of him that I can look at (though he is mostly holding his hands over his face).

I think... That people like to feel needed, yes. But I also think... That people don't like to feel too smothered. And that people don't like to feel (or most people at any rate) like someone is too needy of them. He is fairly independent in a way. And... I want to be more independent than I am. Trying to work on that. Finding the balance between independence and inter-dependence is hard. I think that we had a good conversation, though. He said that he had chatted to his sis for a while and the conversation was hard 'cause she is depressed and wants to talk about how sucky her life is. That she doesn't really care about what is going on for him. So I got to care about him for a while and validate him... Then he asked about me and so I told him that I was stressed about my review that is coming up at work etc and he got to validate me for a while. So... Reciprocal. Mirroring. That was nice.

And we both got to worry about work and finances etc which was a nice kind of twinning thing to do... Equalising powerwise...

:-)

I need to be careful... About getting caught in an idealising trap. Where I idealise him and where disillusionment and devaluation is sure to follow. Where he feels smothered by me and then feels inadequate etc. Mirroring... Something to aim for lol. Try and balance out the dynamic / the power thing... He is a bit older than me and a bit ahead of me in life (financial security, job security etc) and so I need to make sure that our relationship is more balanced rather than emphasising (or being based upon) an imbalance... It is also important to him (and important to me) that I keep on with my studies and potential career and stuff. He has had a relationship break up in the past where she lost her direction and moped around the house for a time... Then left the country to travel for a while... I think it is important to him that I have stuff going on that is important to me. Some independence and something for me to be getting on with. And... It is important to me. But there is also something vaguely seductive about the idea of forgoing all the %#@&#! stress and just wanting to throw it all away and go live with him... But at the end of the day that would be an end to the relationship. 'Cause I'd end up moping round the house with no direction getting all disgruntled about life... So it is nice to think that he will support me in developing my own career... And it is kinda nice that our areas overlap so that we can talk about what we are up to (and we know similar people and read similar stuff etc).

Think that things are going alright. Think that my upset and aloneness... Could have been prompted / triggered (at least partly) by stress at work. And so talking about that felt genuine and his validation really did help me feel a little better.

:-)