Thank you for reaching out I'm sorry I took so long to find your thread.

I struggle too with hugely intense impulses to SI.

When I'm really determined I find the 15 minute rule helps me.
If I decide not to SI at that moment in time, I give myself a target of 15 minutes and then engage in a distracting activity. After 15 minutes I review my choice, it's in my control to choose, no one makes me and no one can stop me. (I try to remember to praise myself for that 15 minutes achievement, no one knows how much determination it took)

If I choose to avoid SI again, I give myself another 15 minutes target and start again.

Sometimes the intensity of the urge reduces after an hour or so and that's only 4 or 6 15 minute periods.

When I feel that 15 mins is too long, I go for 10 or 5 and I also phone the Samaritans (UK's crisis helpline) if I feel my resolve has gone and I need help to stay safe. So far they have always helped me calm down and regain my strength to resist and they will spend as long with me as it takes.

Even if none of my speech helps you, I help reaching out has helped and I feel for you in this lonely place.