There I labeled what is wrong with me.

I am addicted to my manic episodes. It is like a drug to me to feel on top of the world and to be able to do anything and be a free bird. I do my best school work and my best carrer work when I am manic. I meet people and make friends and I dress well and everything is just so much better. When I start to feel euphoric, I feel like I have taken every good drug in the world and there is nothing that can bring me down.

The problem is I hate depression and my lithium makes me not depressed, but too leveled out. The depression affects my life much worse than the mania. I feel awful and I cry, and I become agoraphobic, and I cant concentrate on anything.

Has anyone else experienced this? Addiction to wanting to be manic to the point that there is medication compliance issues and rebellion? I always have this image of an intervention trying to stop me and then I just run away.