This is me one hundred million gajillion percent! Thank you for putting it so eloquently. This is why I can't take lithium. I can't take anything that makes me too level. I know some people probably think it's awful, but I can't have a life that is just average. I like my euphoria and my superpowers. Meds that don't let me soar once in a while are soul crushing. My lithium experience consisted of me quitting constantly to,fingers crossed, get manic. [resulting mania is never satisfying and generally ruins my life] or getting depressed and taking too many. Now I lean heavily on depression targeting meds and roll the dice with mania. I like it better though it doesn't save the destruction in my life. What the hey? While we are admitting things, Im more comfortable in and often prefer chaos.
So much mess. I feel you. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad I'm not alone.

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