I had therapy today and my therapist started us down a path that turned into tears and a fairly deep discussion about several things that don't matter. During that I finally managed to get someone to understand something I've been bringing up for months but nobody has really understood, because it is hard to describe. Essentially I have bunch of memories going back 30 years to when I was a kid that are all of times I did something wrong, was accused of doing something wrong, felt guilty or uncomfortable about something, etc. Those things are played in my head all the time and nothing seems to stop them. If I described them better I'm afraid of them so I've left explanations at that and nobody realized how distressed I've been with it.

So today a point came when I was able to take a chance and tell one of the "stories" that repeats and I am finally going to get help with it. I'm supposed to write them down which will be hard because of the fear of sharing them but I also want them out of my head.

I'm so glad I managed to say the right words finally.