I cried as a child all alone. I cried as a teen, and young adult alone. There was no one that cared to give witness to my tears. My mother told me once, as a young adult when she saw me crying, that I had nothing to cry about. "I have a perfect life." I never cried again, even in private.

I was afraid to cry in therapy, and I scheduled a cry session. I couldn't cry until she held me in her arms, and then my tears and snot flowed all over her red checkered L.L. bean shirt and red vest. It is still very clear in my mind, and the image makes me smile a sigh of relief. It was years of tears that flowed till I was spent, maybe as long as an hour. This was repeated numerous times over 15 months. My therapist grabbed tissue to wipe my tears away. Nothing my parents would have done. Her touch and comfort never impeded me having a good long cry.

I don't get it when I hear therapist are not to comfort a crying client or even offer a box of Kleenex. "It interferes with them feeling their feelings. It breaks the thereuputic frame."

If a child is crying do we stay away and let them experience the loneliness as they feel their feelings or do we gather them up and let them cry in our arms, or at least offer a tissue? I had a childhood, and decades more, of no one willing to do anything for me as I grieved. If we are crying in front of a SO or close friend, are we supposed to sit there till they're done?
Many on PC do not have the securest attachment style, and painful fears of abandonment.

In a thread not too long ago, there was a link to a research paper on therapist therapy. More than 26% of the therapist that had non sexual touch had been held/cradled by their therapist. To me, what's most interesting about this statistic is that the research and paper were published more than 20 years ago. Yes, I understand many therapist and clients want nothing to do with touch. But fast forward 20 plus years and, therapist aren't sure they should at least put a box of tissues in a clients reach.

So glad to be done with the industry.

A poem I wrote about not crying when I started therapy four years ago:

I'm trying to be as quiet as I can.
Are the tears in my eyes making noises?
I'll put my shades on for all of you.