I seek out triggers too. Also, sometimes I just feel like being depressed, but I'm not there, so I'll find something depressing to read, neglect my light therapy and SJW, and surrender to it. It's really not a good thing, but I've done it. Sometimes we can get pretty stubborn and not want to take care of ourselves, can't we? But that is very dangerous, and we need to watch for it and stop it.

We are entitled to feel the way that we feel, whether we hurt or are scared, or feel bad or good or whatever. Our feelings are ours, and you don't have to justify them or explain them. You don't even have to know why you feel the way you do. It's the way you feel, and it is your right. You don't have to make a reason either. There is a reason already, even if you can't identify what the reason is right now.

This reminds me of when I was a little girl and my teacher at school said to bring a wire hanger to school for an art project, but she said to bring one that was bent (no need to ruin good hangers). I was afraid that my mother wouldn't think that any hangers we had were bent enough, so I picked one and bent it some more. I think that we do the same thing with our emotions. We already hurt, but we are afraid that we don't hurt enough for anyone to be able to see it or accept it (even ourselves sometimes), so we make ourselves hurt more in order to justify feeling hurt. Sad, isn't it?

(((((((((((hugs for all who hurt)))))))))))))) no justification needed