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Originally Posted by escapeartist
I have schizoaffective disorder. Right now I'm on meds and basically functioning as a person without schizoaffective disorder. Off meds I have psychotic episodes including auditory and visual hallucinations. I hear voices talking about me and my actions, and sometimes they tell me to do things. Frequently they say nonsense things like "yellow cup eated red river riots." The visual hallucinations can be scary. During my last psychotic episode I hallucinated gremlins attacking me, and I believed they were taking over my brain, controlling my thoughts and whatnot. I see shadows and lights moving when they shouldn't be.
I have delusions too, which I think are 100% real until I get out of the psychosis and get some therapy. Some of the ones I've had in the past include thinking I was the savior of all the dogs that died from abuse/neglect, everybody else was an alien that was going to abduct me and perform experiments on me, that there was a magnet in my foot controlling my moods (major earthquakes would make me manic/depressed depending on where they were), and there was cyanide in all my food.
I get manic too. It feels like I'm on meth, but for weeks instead of hours. I don't sleep, my mind is racing, colors feel a thousand times more vibrant, and my mind just goes to sex. When depressed my mind goes to death/suicide, but when manic, my mind goes to sex all the time. My depressions aren't really a sadness, just like a lack of energy and will to do anything.
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Thanks for replying! I see a lot of people talking about hearing voices. For me, I don't usually audibly hear anything but there are definitely voices inside my head. Sometimes I think spirits are trying to communicate with me. I see meaning and significance in random things. Visions/psychic phenomena too. I also feel like I'm being watched almost 100% of the time and I also get the sense that my thoughts are not private. I have visual hallucinations and distortions but they have never scared me too much. I get a sense or a feeling of evil sometimes, it's hard to explain. Like you said, when manic I feel and act like I'm on speed and I cannot stop the sexual thoughts and tendencies. The hypersexuality is really hard to deal with and it is unwanted. When in a depressed state, I feel as though I am or may as well be dead. My mind is confused and foggy. The sheer magnitude of irrelevant thoughts that flood my mind is insane. I can barely move, eat, take care of myself, leave the house, etc. I am scared and paranoid about doctors and I don't want to take the meds because they made me fat before. I don't know what to do. They had me on invega before but it really didn't even help that much.