Hi Sandy,

Thanks for all the complements, but not close to a hero, just a normal person like all of you. Struggling to continue in the semi normal life I have finally found for myself.

My last suicide attempt was almost 5 yrs ago...not that I wouldn't have liked to when my migraines were so bad but was almost too sick to do even that at the time...now that is really pathetic. Now that the migraines are under control, I realized that I actually could start living again if I wanted to. I had gotten out of the suicide cycle & the migraines weren't total pain, & I wasn't taking meds that caused those awful side effects like Parkinsons syndrom.

Now I have my horses & my dogs that fill up most of my time along with trying to go back to college for my second degree so I can have an income to live on that is more than disability. Just can't figure out how to support myself & my animal habit on my current income...that is my real incentive to get on with my life.

I am really having a hard time tearing myself away from my new little filly (6 1/2 weeks old). I have her at a ranch about 15 minutes from home. I have only missed being with her 1 day since she was born. My psychologist says I go through "separation anxiety" when I have to leave her...gee, I wasn't that way when I was a Mom...but now...just can't help it. It really gives me something to live for, knowing that I am going to have her for the rest of her life & mine. (We are both going to be old at the same time).

I have always been a determined person...had to be to somewhat succeed in a mans career of engineering. Always had to be better cause they wouldn't even notice you if you weren't.

So like you, I am continuing on with my struggle. I hope that your meds can help stabalize you. I find it great when you can actually feel the suicidal feeling go away after taking a med for a while. I find that so wonderful since with every med I took, the suicidal feelings increased.

With all the support & ideas you get form the members here, & your own determination to control those feelings, you will be very successful...keep in touch...want to know how you are doing.