I have a new girlfriend going on 5 months. She's from the Ukraine, He loved and adored her, suffered a bad head injury and became depressed.

Her mother then basically abandoned her and shipped her off to her grandparents. Her grandmother treated her like a princess. She's 41 and often says, "I am a princess" in a joking tone, but we all know how that goes.

I'm a fairly aware guy. For the most part I am present a fair amount of time. But since I met her there is no doubt I am in my head more and I have been triggered into undesirable behavior a few times now. Basically old wounds reappearing, lol and I THOUGHT I was awake.

I've gotten jealous a few times. I have felt rejected and have been put down.

2 weeks ago I made a commitment to stay present when I am with her. Which helped me see behind the mask. She mentioned on 2 different occasions that guys were hitting on her. Another situation is when she brought and old boyfriend. It was obvious, she was trying to make me jealous. Silly girl! When I present it's really easy to see through her bs behavior. If anything, I just feel more compassion for her.

This past weekend I lost my cool and snapped. In short she was mad at me and put on the deep freeze. I was present when this was all going on and honestly, at first, didn't care. I just saw her as being stuck in her head. We were at a party. She basically ignored me for 6 hours. If I tried to touch her she would violently brush me off. Basically she was withholding love from me. By the end of the night i was starting to crack. Then she decided it was time to be a little nice to me. It was pathetic. I lit up like a neglected puppy and was just so happy to get her attention. Sad but true.

On the ride back she went back to ignoring me. I just kept letting go and staying present and stayed calm. I wake up the next morning and I thinking, "is the deep freeze still on?" Instead of embracing my fear i choose love and reached out to touch her. She brushed my hand away.

Man, this triggered some old story BIG TIME! I jumped out of bed. Went to the shower, ranted and abandoned her. I was DEEP in my head and it took 2 days till I could be somewhat present again. I haven't taken a wild emotional ride like that in years. Ugh. I did some work on myself and could only pull out a memory of my friends in 3rd grade all turning on me and not speaking to me, ignoring me for a day.

On one hand this woman is a great teacher for me in a spiritual sense. On the other hand she wreaks havoc on my ego. If I'm present, this is no problem. If not, I behave very poorly. I mirror back the dissonance.

Sex is amazing with this woman. I'm 51 and still very sexually active. Primal sex is intense and incredible. But to be honest, I'm not that into it anymore. We have been informally practicing Tantra, Karezza and Taoist sexual practices.

When we are both present during sex there have been times where I didn't know where I ended and she began. Time and space suspends and we connect on this very deep, spiritual level. I've never experienced anything remotely like it. I know, I know, great sex does not make a great partnership.

She has been going through her own awakening. She admits she was a total ***** in the past. Shared some intimate things about herself, perhaps over sharing. And is on her own spiritual journey and seeks enlightenment. There is no doubt she has the desire to change, to grow.

In the meantime, she still tries to control me. If I'm present, again, no problem. I see right through it.

I'm in love with her "true self" which comes out from time to time. Well, I really love all of her. Just wondering if it will always be like this? Or is there a possibility of her letting go of her egoic N ways and evening out a little?

Please folks, comment away. Admittedly, I'm a little lost and need guidance and good advice.

Thank you for you time. Much appreciated.